I attempted to write this post a couple months ago, as I was preparing to leave the state I’d called home for 12/13 of my life. Was right in the midst of attempting to put a dent in the mounds of junk I had inherited over the past 26 years of my life. Unfortunately, staring at the mounds didn’t make them any smaller. Darn. The process of sifting through and deciding which items to keep and which to toss was at once cathartic, nostalgic, humorous, and slightly painful.
Amongst the mess were those notes where wE wRoTe LyKe DiS and folded like this: 
Then were are all those precious Bio notes I so carefully took back when straight A’s still seemed like a possibility. And piles of clothes I hadn’t worn in years but couldn’t bring myself to get rid of, in case I wanted to wear them again one day.
Traveling light has never been my strong suit. My friend Jane confirmed this when I visited her in SF several months ago. She laughed at me as I precariously balanced my duffel bag, tote bag, purse, and shopping bag on my way out of her house. “I can always tell it’s you because you’re carrying so much stuff,” she said.
There’s something comforting about surrounding yourself with all this STUFF–junk that is no longer a part of your life but which you still find difficult to part with.
Even though I knew how necessary it was to do so,
I always had the hardest time letting go–
Of dashed hopes and past betrayals,
Old feelings and moments of epic FAIL.
HA.
It’s funny how we surround ourselves with such varied trappings–from obvious ones like accomplishments, abilities, and possessions to more subtle ones like memories, expectations, and old versions of ourselves. Before long we find ourselves TRAPPED by our very own trappings.
The strange thing is that, as I have stopped trying so hard to LET IT GO and given in to the REDEMPTION that has been forming before my very eyes, it seems that Jess 1.0, with all of her hangups, fears, and anxieties has slowly been fading into the horizon. As though someone has been running a disk cleanup in the background as I have been going through the day-to-day of my new life.
I left behind a lot of stuff when I moved. It would have been hard to throw it all away, but now that it’s gone I don’t miss it at all. My life feels more real and truly full for it than it’s felt in, well, ever.
Just for clarification, the physical & metaphorical “stuff” I refer to in the last paragraph doesn’t mean I don’t love and miss my friends and family back home.